Love letter to self
I am reading a book by Chicken Soup for the Soul – Life Lessons for Women. One of the stories that caught my spirit was the love letter. When you think of a love letter it is a letter that we write to someone else explaining why we love him/her. In this story I am instructed to write a love letter to myself. This has taken me a week to think about how to do this and were do I begin. So, the past week I have been thinking and this is what I have come up with.
Growing up in a dysfunctional home for 18 years I was told that I was not pretty, I was fat, that I would never amount to anything, I was selfish, a bitch, whore, and a slut. What little my mom new was that I was an amazing daughter that God created. Thank goodness God has his angels around me and protect my mind from completely believing what my mom was speaking into me everyday. I did not feel pretty and I was not fat but I believe that I was because of the lie my mom spoke into me. Today I believe that I am over weight, which has been a struggle for me and this too I will conquer. My mom had it made with me. I helped take care of the house when she was absent. I took care of my brother and sister and put mom to bed when she arrived home wasted. In the mornings, I made sure that my brother and sister were awake and ready for school. Breakfast was made and lunches were packed. If we missed the bus I would make sure that we had a ride to school from someone else so that we did not disturb my mom. If she only new how many times we missed the bus, it was rare.
Comes my adult years and I am still taking care of everyone else but myself. My first marriage I did not dress up at all. I wore clothes that were bigger than me to cover me up as I felt fat. My husband did not want me to wear flattering clothes as it kept other men from looking at me. If I worked, I came straight home to attend to all his needs and he continued to ignore me. His drinking was more important along with flirting with other women.
My second marriage my husband loves it when I dressed up. He bought me clothes that made me look and feel good. However, this did not stop him from being with other women. So, what I was doing was not enough to keep him home and all to me. Therefore, I felt that I was doing something wrong again. I became a punching bag to him. I knew that this was not healthy and left this marriage too.
Third marriage – people say that 3 is the charm. Well that is so not true. My third marriage was the worst. Not only did he have a drug problem, but alcohol became an issue along with pornography. If I dressed up he would wonder who I was dressing up for. I better make sure that I do not look at anyone else. Lies consumed his mouth in order for him to keeping living the sinful life he chose and accuse me of doing all the wrong in order to make himself feel better for what he was doing wrong. I became a woman full of anger and did not understand what I was doing any more. Finally, it hit me. I am worth so much more. I deserve so much more. God has bigger plans for me and he loves me. That is all that matters is that God loves me.
Finally, enough is enough. The most important thing in life now is that I know that I am worth much, much more and that God loves me for who I am as he is the one who created me and has molded me.
My love letter to myself is this –
Amber, you are an amazing daughter of the most High King. You are a loving mother who shows the love to her boys. You are raising your boys as the precious kings God has created in them to be. You are a loving and caring friend who cares about others thoughts and feelings. You have compassion for those who are hurting and will be there for them if they want it. There is no more taking advantage of you. You have learned about healthy boundaries and know when to say no. There is a fire in you to want to know more of the love of Jesus in your life. You are beautiful both on the inside and out. You have many talents that Jesus wants you to use and not be afraid of what other people think. Speak boldly in love and truth. Learn to love yourself and take care of yourself. Pamper yourself as you deserve it. It is time to spread your wings my dear sister, spread wide and high. God is there with you flying by your side. No more fear!!!!!
