It has been awhile since I last wrote. Been going through many different valley's trying to figure out how I am going to get through this all. One thing forsure that I have learned is that I will get through this all with God guiding my way.
Raising my boys as teens has shed new light into my world. Growing up in a dsyfunctional home I did t have a normal childhood, such as be a kid - a little girl who had girlfriends and did what girlfriends do best - like shopping, sleepovers, laughing, talking about boys, hanging out, and talking on the phone. Nope I took care of my bother and sister instead and those nights when mom would arrive home drunk I took care of her. When I was not taking care of them - I spent my time in my room fearful wondering when my mom or stepdad were going to explode.
The reason that I am telling you this is - I have reached a new layer in life to work through. Every since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mommy so bad. I wanted to show my kids how much I loved them and how much I cherished them. By no means did I want to raise my kids in an environment as I had grown up in. Unfortuntly, I married my mother three times and my boys grew up in a unhealthy home.
Now that all the unhealthyness has been removed and I have been healed - I can now focus on healing my boys. My boys now can be boys and find out who they are without someone telling who they are or what they should be. My boys can become the children/teenagers that christ entended them to be. However, the one thing that I have and still am learning is how to let them have their freedom. My prayer has been (especailly for my older son) is that I have given him/them both over to God to fill them, protect them, guide them to become the young men he has created them to be. I have prayed for the right words to speak into their lives.
I have always been the type of parent that needs to know were my kids are at all times. This is to ensure that my boys are safe and staying out of trouble.I have learned that with my older son he is going to make his own decisions and that I need to let him do that as I have raised him to know right from wrong. When he makes the wrong choices he will need to face God and ask for forgiveness.
As my oldest is reaching upon adulthood (turning 18) he is pushing the limits and I am feeling left out/behind. This is such a huge area for me due to the fact I never had the freedom like he does. I am learning to lean more on God through this time and ask for grace and wisdom in my sons life. I need for God to give me the right words to speak into my sons life when he has done wrong. Everyday God has given me grace and wisdom. Without God in control we all would be lost.
Until next time - stay safe and no that God is always in control, he just wants us to lean on him.
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