The Love Letter ~
Wow, write yourself a love letter. I have never had a love letter written to me. My younger son writes me little notes telling me how much he loves me and how wonderfully awesome his mommy is - yes that would can't as a love letter. Ok, close my eyes and see myself as the most glorious person in the world - really. Honestly, I would not want to be the ultimate beloved but I do get the point of what the writer is saying. We are to see ourselves as Jesus see's us and how other's see us.
When I close my eyes I see the love my boys have for me, how my friends look at me and how Jesus sees me as his precious jewel. Beleive me, it has taken a lot of work for me to get to this point.
Imagine going to your mailbox and pulling the pile of mail out finding a love letter. The thought of a love letter in my mail box warms my heart with much joy. What are you waiting for? I can already feel the warm fuzzies.
Find a comfy place to rest, brew yourself a cup of coffee or a favorite tea, grab a special piece of paper and a favorite pen, put on some soothing music, and begin writting yourself a love letter.
Talk about your special features like your eyes sparkle when the sun touches your face, your heart is warmed when your children love on you, etc....
Many of us ladies have made the same comment sometime in our life as this one "Most of you long for something more - more time, more money, more friends, a better relationship with your spouse or family. How many times have you heard yourself say, "I wish I had more time for myself"? "This stress is killing me." "I have to exercise and get in better shape." "I want my life to be more fun." "How am I going to make ends meet?" "Where has the day gone? I feel like I haven't gotten anything done!""
Take a look back over your life - not with a critical eye but look where you were and where you are now today. Ask yourself the following questions - What do I love? What are my core values and beliefs? What are my own needs and desires? How can I create a life that fits exactly who I am now, not who I've been?
It's time ladies to write yourself a love letter. I will be back on Friday with my letter to share. Be kind to yourself and love yourself as Jesus loves you. God bless you all!
Psalms 37:4 ~ The desires God placed in your heart were put there for a reason, they reveal the secret of who you really are and the life you are meant to live.
I have attached a link of relaxing music
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Life Lessons for Women ~ 7 essential ingredients for a Balanced Life
November 8, 2010
Finally watched Julie & Julia this weekend ~ if feel so inspired to do something now. My heart desire is to lead women into freedom. There are many women who live in a lifetime of bondage ~ God does not want that for us. Romans 6:22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.
Over the past couple of years I have received freedom from a life time of bondage. I now am free and I feel Gods love in my life everyday. There is such a relief and freedom knowing that I no longer am hanging on to all that was done against me or the sins that I have committed.
Why wait for that group to be gathered together ~ why not reach out to women now ~ So here I am reaching out to all you women who have suffered a lifetime of bondage and you are stuck in it wanting so badly to be released from it only to live a life of freedom as God intended you to live.
I have started reading Life Lessons for Women ~ 7 essential ingredients for a balanced life by Stephanie Marston, M.F.T. “Life Lessons for Women is the first book in a new line of Chicken Soup books. It is a true self-help book”. Find a book and read along with me. I will post the Life lessons after each study. We can talk about the study and post our answers to the life lessons. I will post my answers – if you do not feel comfortable in doing so that is alright. I do encourage you to do the work as this will open the door to freedom in your life.
The first Essential Ingredient is ~ Re-Collect Yourself
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
Lucille Ball
Our first lesson is “The Love Letter”
Today is Monday November 8, 2010 – I will give you time to find a book. For those of you who are joining late that is great - jump right in. On Wednesday November 10, 2010 I will post the first life lesson assignment. I look forward to going on this journey with all you women. May God enrich and bless your way
Finally watched Julie & Julia this weekend ~ if feel so inspired to do something now. My heart desire is to lead women into freedom. There are many women who live in a lifetime of bondage ~ God does not want that for us. Romans 6:22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.
Over the past couple of years I have received freedom from a life time of bondage. I now am free and I feel Gods love in my life everyday. There is such a relief and freedom knowing that I no longer am hanging on to all that was done against me or the sins that I have committed.
Why wait for that group to be gathered together ~ why not reach out to women now ~ So here I am reaching out to all you women who have suffered a lifetime of bondage and you are stuck in it wanting so badly to be released from it only to live a life of freedom as God intended you to live.
I have started reading Life Lessons for Women ~ 7 essential ingredients for a balanced life by Stephanie Marston, M.F.T. “Life Lessons for Women is the first book in a new line of Chicken Soup books. It is a true self-help book”. Find a book and read along with me. I will post the Life lessons after each study. We can talk about the study and post our answers to the life lessons. I will post my answers – if you do not feel comfortable in doing so that is alright. I do encourage you to do the work as this will open the door to freedom in your life.
The first Essential Ingredient is ~ Re-Collect Yourself
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
Lucille Ball
Our first lesson is “The Love Letter”
Today is Monday November 8, 2010 – I will give you time to find a book. For those of you who are joining late that is great - jump right in. On Wednesday November 10, 2010 I will post the first life lesson assignment. I look forward to going on this journey with all you women. May God enrich and bless your way
Tyler
Good morning all ~ it’s been awhile since I last posted. Summer went by fast and now that school has started we are approaching into the holiday season already. Wait ~ why is time going too fast? My older son Tyler turned 18 on October 25 – I cannot believe that he is an adult now. I still remember so clearly when he was two in his red corduroys with a cream sweater outside helping mom rake up the leaves. He was so sweat and innocent then and now he thinks that he knows all.
The boys and I have had a rough start in life. But now, we are tracking on the right safe path only to live the life that God has intended for us to live. Sure my son Tyler has done some things this past summer that I am not proud of. However, I am proud of him for listening to all that I had spoken into his life. Slowly but surely he is coming around.
One thing that I have learned with Tyler is that he is an individual who wants so badly to know who he is and what his purpose is. I thank God for giving me the words to speak into Tyler’s life and then to step back only to watch the seeds that were planted grow. Yes, Tyler maybe a late bloomer in his walk with God as many other people were too. God does have a plan for Tyler!
Deuteronomy 6:6-7, 18
These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up....Do what is right and good in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers,
In our home there is always an open door. My kids know that no matter what they can always talk to me about anything. I will not yell at them. I may take a deep breath; pray will quick for God’s guidance in the conversation. After our talks the boys feel better now then they did before. Tyler now comes to me all the time when he feels something around him that should not be there. After we are done praying Tyler feels comfortable and safe knowing that God is near and will never leave us. Psalms 3:3 ~ But you, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head.
Oh there is still so much more work to be done as there is with all of us. God’s work is never completed in us until we see him face to face.
Now these days there is a difference in my relationship with Tyler. Yes, I am still his mother – but there is more of an adult inner reaction then there is a child like reaction. Before this year came I was feeling sad that he was growing up and would no longer need me. I now know that a child will always need there parents. We are here to equip them; listen to them; lead them into the right direction; step aside and let go; and love them, for which this never ends as long as we are here on the earth. My job now is to listen, pray, and help him along the way when he asks for help. Sure there will be time when I need to intervene. It has been hard to let go but God has given me peace and rest knowing that he is in control.
The boys and I have had a rough start in life. But now, we are tracking on the right safe path only to live the life that God has intended for us to live. Sure my son Tyler has done some things this past summer that I am not proud of. However, I am proud of him for listening to all that I had spoken into his life. Slowly but surely he is coming around.
One thing that I have learned with Tyler is that he is an individual who wants so badly to know who he is and what his purpose is. I thank God for giving me the words to speak into Tyler’s life and then to step back only to watch the seeds that were planted grow. Yes, Tyler maybe a late bloomer in his walk with God as many other people were too. God does have a plan for Tyler!
Deuteronomy 6:6-7, 18
These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up....Do what is right and good in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers,
In our home there is always an open door. My kids know that no matter what they can always talk to me about anything. I will not yell at them. I may take a deep breath; pray will quick for God’s guidance in the conversation. After our talks the boys feel better now then they did before. Tyler now comes to me all the time when he feels something around him that should not be there. After we are done praying Tyler feels comfortable and safe knowing that God is near and will never leave us. Psalms 3:3 ~ But you, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head.
Oh there is still so much more work to be done as there is with all of us. God’s work is never completed in us until we see him face to face.
Now these days there is a difference in my relationship with Tyler. Yes, I am still his mother – but there is more of an adult inner reaction then there is a child like reaction. Before this year came I was feeling sad that he was growing up and would no longer need me. I now know that a child will always need there parents. We are here to equip them; listen to them; lead them into the right direction; step aside and let go; and love them, for which this never ends as long as we are here on the earth. My job now is to listen, pray, and help him along the way when he asks for help. Sure there will be time when I need to intervene. It has been hard to let go but God has given me peace and rest knowing that he is in control.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Being a single mother can be overwhelming raising two teenage kids
It has been awhile since I last wrote. Been going through many different valley's trying to figure out how I am going to get through this all. One thing forsure that I have learned is that I will get through this all with God guiding my way.
Raising my boys as teens has shed new light into my world. Growing up in a dsyfunctional home I did t have a normal childhood, such as be a kid - a little girl who had girlfriends and did what girlfriends do best - like shopping, sleepovers, laughing, talking about boys, hanging out, and talking on the phone. Nope I took care of my bother and sister instead and those nights when mom would arrive home drunk I took care of her. When I was not taking care of them - I spent my time in my room fearful wondering when my mom or stepdad were going to explode.
The reason that I am telling you this is - I have reached a new layer in life to work through. Every since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mommy so bad. I wanted to show my kids how much I loved them and how much I cherished them. By no means did I want to raise my kids in an environment as I had grown up in. Unfortuntly, I married my mother three times and my boys grew up in a unhealthy home.
Now that all the unhealthyness has been removed and I have been healed - I can now focus on healing my boys. My boys now can be boys and find out who they are without someone telling who they are or what they should be. My boys can become the children/teenagers that christ entended them to be. However, the one thing that I have and still am learning is how to let them have their freedom. My prayer has been (especailly for my older son) is that I have given him/them both over to God to fill them, protect them, guide them to become the young men he has created them to be. I have prayed for the right words to speak into their lives.
I have always been the type of parent that needs to know were my kids are at all times. This is to ensure that my boys are safe and staying out of trouble.I have learned that with my older son he is going to make his own decisions and that I need to let him do that as I have raised him to know right from wrong. When he makes the wrong choices he will need to face God and ask for forgiveness.
As my oldest is reaching upon adulthood (turning 18) he is pushing the limits and I am feeling left out/behind. This is such a huge area for me due to the fact I never had the freedom like he does. I am learning to lean more on God through this time and ask for grace and wisdom in my sons life. I need for God to give me the right words to speak into my sons life when he has done wrong. Everyday God has given me grace and wisdom. Without God in control we all would be lost.
Until next time - stay safe and no that God is always in control, he just wants us to lean on him.
Raising my boys as teens has shed new light into my world. Growing up in a dsyfunctional home I did t have a normal childhood, such as be a kid - a little girl who had girlfriends and did what girlfriends do best - like shopping, sleepovers, laughing, talking about boys, hanging out, and talking on the phone. Nope I took care of my bother and sister instead and those nights when mom would arrive home drunk I took care of her. When I was not taking care of them - I spent my time in my room fearful wondering when my mom or stepdad were going to explode.
The reason that I am telling you this is - I have reached a new layer in life to work through. Every since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mommy so bad. I wanted to show my kids how much I loved them and how much I cherished them. By no means did I want to raise my kids in an environment as I had grown up in. Unfortuntly, I married my mother three times and my boys grew up in a unhealthy home.
Now that all the unhealthyness has been removed and I have been healed - I can now focus on healing my boys. My boys now can be boys and find out who they are without someone telling who they are or what they should be. My boys can become the children/teenagers that christ entended them to be. However, the one thing that I have and still am learning is how to let them have their freedom. My prayer has been (especailly for my older son) is that I have given him/them both over to God to fill them, protect them, guide them to become the young men he has created them to be. I have prayed for the right words to speak into their lives.
I have always been the type of parent that needs to know were my kids are at all times. This is to ensure that my boys are safe and staying out of trouble.I have learned that with my older son he is going to make his own decisions and that I need to let him do that as I have raised him to know right from wrong. When he makes the wrong choices he will need to face God and ask for forgiveness.
As my oldest is reaching upon adulthood (turning 18) he is pushing the limits and I am feeling left out/behind. This is such a huge area for me due to the fact I never had the freedom like he does. I am learning to lean more on God through this time and ask for grace and wisdom in my sons life. I need for God to give me the right words to speak into my sons life when he has done wrong. Everyday God has given me grace and wisdom. Without God in control we all would be lost.
Until next time - stay safe and no that God is always in control, he just wants us to lean on him.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Finally putting my book together
Here is a sneak peak ~ stay tuned for updated info
Psalm 139
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me; your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, fro darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knot me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one to them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Introduction
Psalm 139 has given me new meaning; God really does know everything about me before I was even born. God was there the day I was born with open arms unlike my mom. When I need to be loved God showed me love unlike my mom. God has been through every valley that I have encountered thus far.
Here you will hear my story – I grew up in an alcohol abusive home that consisted of daily verbal, physical, and sexual abuse I made it out alive but broken inside. Living this and breathing this life brought me into three unhealthy, alcoholic, abusive marriages.
After my third marriage I realized that enough is enough. I am worth much more and deserve much more as my two precious sons do too.
My desire this past year has been to know Gods love for me and to be healed. God, help me be honest with myself. Show me what has been broken so that I can be free from this long life of bondage.
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free
John 8:32
Psalm 139
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me; your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, fro darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knot me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one to them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Introduction
Psalm 139 has given me new meaning; God really does know everything about me before I was even born. God was there the day I was born with open arms unlike my mom. When I need to be loved God showed me love unlike my mom. God has been through every valley that I have encountered thus far.
Here you will hear my story – I grew up in an alcohol abusive home that consisted of daily verbal, physical, and sexual abuse I made it out alive but broken inside. Living this and breathing this life brought me into three unhealthy, alcoholic, abusive marriages.
After my third marriage I realized that enough is enough. I am worth much more and deserve much more as my two precious sons do too.
My desire this past year has been to know Gods love for me and to be healed. God, help me be honest with myself. Show me what has been broken so that I can be free from this long life of bondage.
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free
John 8:32
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Victories
This past year has been so healing. God provided me with a better paying job, buy a car of my dreams, taken me through many healing encounters, given me the tools to teach my boys the importance of healing, given me visions, shown me exactly how far the East is from the West, and how to embrace my new life.
For the first time I feel alive and happy. There is so much peace within me. I have taught my boys the importance of journaling and how safe it is to write everything down. Last week my younger son came to me with a piece of paper in hand all folded up. He asked if we could burn his letter. The reason for the burning is to completely release what ever it is that you wrote so that know one else knows but you and God. This is freeing. You are no longer bottling up what is bothering you. As a mother I wanted to know what he wrote down to help him through but he did not want to tell me. I asked for a moment and walked away to prayer for strength and for the right words to speak to him. Once I came back, we walked to the fireplace, said a prayer and burned his paper. This was safe for him.
Took my boys to the Rock & Worship Roadshow last Friday. It was amazing. There was this father with his boys who sat four rows ahead of us. This dad was really getting into the music and dancing with his boys. The boys also shared time on the dads shoulders. What a precious sight to see. However, this was a grieving moment for my older son. My older son's dad is an alcoholic and has chosen his drinking over Tyler all of his life. Tyler and his dad recently had a major falling out, which left Tyler telling his dad to never call him again and to stay out of his life. As we were driving home from the Rock & Worship Roadshow, Tyler told me that this was really hard for him watching the dad ahead of us loving his boys. Tyler has finally started grieving the loss of his dad, the loss of that father love that he has never received. A few nights ago, Tyler told me that he has been praying and talking with God a lot and that God told him that he is his father and that he loves him very much. This was different for Tyler but he has accepted it because he is craving that fatherly love - Thank you Jesus.
I gave my testimony a few weeks back (we recorded it first and it was presented last Sunday in church). I was approached by a church member telling me that my story touched both her and her husband closely as they too have experienced some of the pain as I have. I did not realize that my testimony was being shown. As I was sitting there in first service watching my testimony I had a vision of me sitting on Jesus lap as a little girl watching the ending of my story. Yes, it was the ending (it is over) and now I am in a new beginning. God has an awesome plan for me and I am looking forward to my new life.
God has shown me so much love this past year. For the first time I am realizing and feeling real love.
For the first time I feel alive and happy. There is so much peace within me. I have taught my boys the importance of journaling and how safe it is to write everything down. Last week my younger son came to me with a piece of paper in hand all folded up. He asked if we could burn his letter. The reason for the burning is to completely release what ever it is that you wrote so that know one else knows but you and God. This is freeing. You are no longer bottling up what is bothering you. As a mother I wanted to know what he wrote down to help him through but he did not want to tell me. I asked for a moment and walked away to prayer for strength and for the right words to speak to him. Once I came back, we walked to the fireplace, said a prayer and burned his paper. This was safe for him.
Took my boys to the Rock & Worship Roadshow last Friday. It was amazing. There was this father with his boys who sat four rows ahead of us. This dad was really getting into the music and dancing with his boys. The boys also shared time on the dads shoulders. What a precious sight to see. However, this was a grieving moment for my older son. My older son's dad is an alcoholic and has chosen his drinking over Tyler all of his life. Tyler and his dad recently had a major falling out, which left Tyler telling his dad to never call him again and to stay out of his life. As we were driving home from the Rock & Worship Roadshow, Tyler told me that this was really hard for him watching the dad ahead of us loving his boys. Tyler has finally started grieving the loss of his dad, the loss of that father love that he has never received. A few nights ago, Tyler told me that he has been praying and talking with God a lot and that God told him that he is his father and that he loves him very much. This was different for Tyler but he has accepted it because he is craving that fatherly love - Thank you Jesus.
I gave my testimony a few weeks back (we recorded it first and it was presented last Sunday in church). I was approached by a church member telling me that my story touched both her and her husband closely as they too have experienced some of the pain as I have. I did not realize that my testimony was being shown. As I was sitting there in first service watching my testimony I had a vision of me sitting on Jesus lap as a little girl watching the ending of my story. Yes, it was the ending (it is over) and now I am in a new beginning. God has an awesome plan for me and I am looking forward to my new life.
God has shown me so much love this past year. For the first time I am realizing and feeling real love.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Journey after Troy
JOURNEY AFTER TROY
Wow, the past nine months have been filled with many moments of freedom. Once Troy moved out we had a plan to work on reconciling our marriage. We both started Celebrate Recovery at Capital Christian Center. At first I did it to support Troy as I am not the one who had a drug or alcohol problem. Little did I know that celebrate recovery was much more than that. As I progressed in the program Troy soon realized that he was loosing control therefore quit the program and our marriage. For the first time I truly realized that I deserved much more. My boys deserve more. Reconciling the marriage was not going Troy’s way therefore there was nothing to reconcile anymore. I was not willing to have him back in the home with the boys and I to continue living the way we have for the past seven years. Enough is enough.
Troy quit Celebrate Recovery and quit coming to Capital Christian Center. That’s fine, I am moving on in my recovery. There is nothing holding me back. Troy decided to go to another church. For the first time I really let go as I needed to for my recovery in Codependency. Yes, I gained a title. Codependency was like those flashing lights over my head. I wanted to burn out every light bulb learning how to conquer codependency.
Realizing that my marriage was over was hard as this was the third one. There was so much shame, guilt, hopelessness, regret, and let down. I felt like I had failed my boys again. I brought yet another man into our life and allowed him to steal and destroy each one of us over a seven year period.
I knew that things were not going to be easy but I was ready for the challenge. Money was going to be really tight but I was not going to allow it to control me. One way or another God has provided and met all our needs.
I had friends come up along side of me telling me that everything was going to be alright. It is time to take care of you and your boys. A dear friend told me that, “a year from now you will look back and see what God has done in your life.” You will be amazed at how true that statement has been.
As Troy continued to try to control my life I continued in the Celebrate Recovery program. Those six months in Celebrate Recovery was just the beginning of my healing. For the first time in my life I new that “Enough was Enough”. No more would anyone come in and destroy my boys or me. It was time for God to take hold of me and move those mountains away that I have been going around and around for years. The light bulbs on my title “Codependency” were going out. Healing within me has begun – oh but this was just the beginning.
The summer was very humbling. My neighbors were there to help me in a time of need with food, keeping my car running and when I needed a hug. A car was given to me as my other car was neither safe nor reliable. Money was really tight. I humbled myself by going to the food banks in order to put food on the table for the boys. This was huge as I needed to reach out for help knowing that I could not provide for my boys but that God could and he did.
Celebrate Recovery came to a close in September when I graduated. Now it was time for the next step. I had no clue what God had in store for me. Continued going to church every weekend being feed each time. One Sunday my car broke down – was not good news. It was going to cost too much money to fix the car – money that I did not have. The boys said, “Mom lets just buy a car.” I began to pray – God did find us a car (even my dream car). How I was going to pay for this I had no clue. Each month God gives me the money to make my car payment. I love my car.
My divorce was finalized in November. God opened up another door for me – new job with Scentsy in the Finance department. This was a huge step of faith for me as the company was just creating a position for me. The reason for this was because I was looking at taking on a second job. I did not want to leave my children at home at night as we all were in this journey together of healing. The lady that I bought Scentsy from co-owns Scentsy with her husband Orville. Orville and Heidi listened to my story and were lead to help me with my needs and wants. I did not want to leave my children at night. Therefore, Orville and Heidi provided a way for me to work for them at Scentsy by matching what I made at St. Luke’s Hospital and what I would have made part time at Shopco. My hopes are in the next year that I will begin to catch things up that were behind. Begin to pay my bills on time, work on the ones that are old and begin to build a savings for those unexpected expenses that appear.
November, I started my new job at Scentsy and Life’s Healing Choice small group. I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have with Scentsy in the finance department. God knew I was struggling and needed a break. A few weeks before getting the job at Scentsy I was really struggling financially. God has met all our needs but it still seemed scary. I prayed to God saying that I know that you love me and yet I need to see how much you love me. I need to feel your love as I have never felt love before besides my boys. God showed me his love and has not stopped showing me since. My finances started to fall all in place.
Life’s Healing Choices small group has been amazing. I have seen areas that I am being healed in that I thought would never be healed. God is so amazing how he takes each step with us and allows us to hurt but heal at the same time. I have been given many visions this past year. I have seen that my son Tyler will be a Godly man with three beautiful children who look up to him with so much love in there eyes – something that I did not have as a child. I have seen the little girl in me blossom with Jesus. This little girl in me knows that Jesus loves her so much and always has.
Chapter four in Life’s Healing Choices – that evening in small group tears came and came. There was something that I had to put on my inventory list that I had not shared with before. I knew that I had to share with my leader as she was my accountability partner from Celebrate Recovery. Towards the end of class God showed me as a little girl with a white ribbon in my hair, a white dress with white socks and shoes standing next to Jesus hold my hand. Wow – Jesus really looks at me as pure – I am white as snow as he washes away all my sins and hurts. God will never leave me nor forsake me. I now understanding the love that he has for me. The following weekend at church was the Catalyst conference at church, during worship time I had another moment of God’s unfailing love. Singing the song “White as Snow”, God showed me that every time that I was being hurt that he was right there by my side and then held me that night comforting me. Tears poured out as I realized that he has been with me all along.
God’s love is so real in me forever. Now I am teaching the boys all about journaling. I am looking forward to more healing in the months to come.
Wow, the past nine months have been filled with many moments of freedom. Once Troy moved out we had a plan to work on reconciling our marriage. We both started Celebrate Recovery at Capital Christian Center. At first I did it to support Troy as I am not the one who had a drug or alcohol problem. Little did I know that celebrate recovery was much more than that. As I progressed in the program Troy soon realized that he was loosing control therefore quit the program and our marriage. For the first time I truly realized that I deserved much more. My boys deserve more. Reconciling the marriage was not going Troy’s way therefore there was nothing to reconcile anymore. I was not willing to have him back in the home with the boys and I to continue living the way we have for the past seven years. Enough is enough.
Troy quit Celebrate Recovery and quit coming to Capital Christian Center. That’s fine, I am moving on in my recovery. There is nothing holding me back. Troy decided to go to another church. For the first time I really let go as I needed to for my recovery in Codependency. Yes, I gained a title. Codependency was like those flashing lights over my head. I wanted to burn out every light bulb learning how to conquer codependency.
Realizing that my marriage was over was hard as this was the third one. There was so much shame, guilt, hopelessness, regret, and let down. I felt like I had failed my boys again. I brought yet another man into our life and allowed him to steal and destroy each one of us over a seven year period.
I knew that things were not going to be easy but I was ready for the challenge. Money was going to be really tight but I was not going to allow it to control me. One way or another God has provided and met all our needs.
I had friends come up along side of me telling me that everything was going to be alright. It is time to take care of you and your boys. A dear friend told me that, “a year from now you will look back and see what God has done in your life.” You will be amazed at how true that statement has been.
As Troy continued to try to control my life I continued in the Celebrate Recovery program. Those six months in Celebrate Recovery was just the beginning of my healing. For the first time in my life I new that “Enough was Enough”. No more would anyone come in and destroy my boys or me. It was time for God to take hold of me and move those mountains away that I have been going around and around for years. The light bulbs on my title “Codependency” were going out. Healing within me has begun – oh but this was just the beginning.
The summer was very humbling. My neighbors were there to help me in a time of need with food, keeping my car running and when I needed a hug. A car was given to me as my other car was neither safe nor reliable. Money was really tight. I humbled myself by going to the food banks in order to put food on the table for the boys. This was huge as I needed to reach out for help knowing that I could not provide for my boys but that God could and he did.
Celebrate Recovery came to a close in September when I graduated. Now it was time for the next step. I had no clue what God had in store for me. Continued going to church every weekend being feed each time. One Sunday my car broke down – was not good news. It was going to cost too much money to fix the car – money that I did not have. The boys said, “Mom lets just buy a car.” I began to pray – God did find us a car (even my dream car). How I was going to pay for this I had no clue. Each month God gives me the money to make my car payment. I love my car.
My divorce was finalized in November. God opened up another door for me – new job with Scentsy in the Finance department. This was a huge step of faith for me as the company was just creating a position for me. The reason for this was because I was looking at taking on a second job. I did not want to leave my children at home at night as we all were in this journey together of healing. The lady that I bought Scentsy from co-owns Scentsy with her husband Orville. Orville and Heidi listened to my story and were lead to help me with my needs and wants. I did not want to leave my children at night. Therefore, Orville and Heidi provided a way for me to work for them at Scentsy by matching what I made at St. Luke’s Hospital and what I would have made part time at Shopco. My hopes are in the next year that I will begin to catch things up that were behind. Begin to pay my bills on time, work on the ones that are old and begin to build a savings for those unexpected expenses that appear.
November, I started my new job at Scentsy and Life’s Healing Choice small group. I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have with Scentsy in the finance department. God knew I was struggling and needed a break. A few weeks before getting the job at Scentsy I was really struggling financially. God has met all our needs but it still seemed scary. I prayed to God saying that I know that you love me and yet I need to see how much you love me. I need to feel your love as I have never felt love before besides my boys. God showed me his love and has not stopped showing me since. My finances started to fall all in place.
Life’s Healing Choices small group has been amazing. I have seen areas that I am being healed in that I thought would never be healed. God is so amazing how he takes each step with us and allows us to hurt but heal at the same time. I have been given many visions this past year. I have seen that my son Tyler will be a Godly man with three beautiful children who look up to him with so much love in there eyes – something that I did not have as a child. I have seen the little girl in me blossom with Jesus. This little girl in me knows that Jesus loves her so much and always has.
Chapter four in Life’s Healing Choices – that evening in small group tears came and came. There was something that I had to put on my inventory list that I had not shared with before. I knew that I had to share with my leader as she was my accountability partner from Celebrate Recovery. Towards the end of class God showed me as a little girl with a white ribbon in my hair, a white dress with white socks and shoes standing next to Jesus hold my hand. Wow – Jesus really looks at me as pure – I am white as snow as he washes away all my sins and hurts. God will never leave me nor forsake me. I now understanding the love that he has for me. The following weekend at church was the Catalyst conference at church, during worship time I had another moment of God’s unfailing love. Singing the song “White as Snow”, God showed me that every time that I was being hurt that he was right there by my side and then held me that night comforting me. Tears poured out as I realized that he has been with me all along.
God’s love is so real in me forever. Now I am teaching the boys all about journaling. I am looking forward to more healing in the months to come.
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